As many of you know, I’ve been streaming since 2016 and mainly been an open book about my personal life. But there are parts of my life that are very secret and private. Some will stay that way, and some won’t. I have my reasons for not telling you many things right away, I’ll explain below. I think that most of you OGs have noticed something is different, at the minimum. Well, let’s get into that.
The clearing of the air, much like a potent fart, I think/fear I may lose a few of you with this. To the people who have figured out what I’m about to say on your own (and I know who a handful of you are for sure), I want to say thank you. Not one of you pressured me for information or tried to “out” me. You kept my secrets and stayed by my side, and that is something that makes me feel good, and honestly, I didn’t expect. You just let me be.
So here we go. I’m in a relationship. It’s a serious one. And it’s been for over a year now. His name is Cory.
Why would I keep this a secret for so long? Was I, alilfoxz, another Twitch streamer trying to deceive the masses? Why risk the backlash of having a secret relationship? Well, there are a lot of reasons why I decided to have this huge private element in my life.
- One – It’s none of anyone’s business!! Lol, but for real. I’m allowed to have a private life. While many wish this wasn’t allowed, many intelligent people I’ve talked to about this matter stressed I don’t owe anyone anything.
- Relationships are hard enough. You have to figure out how you feel, learn to trust someone, find out if your compatible, work through kinks (not those kinds), and figure out if you work together as a pair. Having hundreds, maybe thousands of people in your ear, giving advice based on incomplete information, or creating undue fear and drama are not something I wanted as a factor. I’ve heard many stories about people trying to sabotage relationships (from other streamers even), and it has happened to me before too. Sending messages to the partner, raising doubts. All these things I wanted to avoid.
- Until now, I’ve had a zero % success rate. You’ve heard my horror stories. They are funny when they are just stories, but having something like that broadcasted live would be awful. I’ve seen enough YouTube “we broke up” videos to know I don’t want one of those on my page. I guess I’m not very optimistic, but facts are facts. My mother even started giving me magazine articles about how I could go ahead and get pregnant without a partner via other measures. (You already know about that LOL) She really wants grandkids. My disaster checklist was down pat. Me going public with a relationship means to me that I have no doubts about its future. To put in in writing and on record. Everything is good. Like really really good.
- So, he has kids. Three to be exact, two are ten-year-old twins, and one is twenty-one months old. With someone else’s kids come other parents and all kinds of boundaries. Respecting this balance is crucial to make sure the children can have a healthy, drama-free life. I wasn’t about to arrive on the scene and start broadcasting things that could make others uncomfortable or even endanger safety. I’m a nice Foxz who tries to consider the needs and feelings of others.
- I wasn’t sure what it would mean for my content. Let’s be honest; it is kind of scary. I’ve always been single Foxz, and I know people like me and that content. But what happens if it changes? There are a ton of unknowns in an industry that is already SO volatile on the whims of others. I’ve researched, talked to others, watched, and tried to wrap my head around all of the changes that may happen to my Twitch channel. Maybe people won’t like me anymore. So many worries about my life as a streamer.
- It wasn’t supposed to be for this long! For real. Yall were supposed to be getting this message late August. This brings us to the next secret, another something that has been so hard not to talk about because it has been nearly all-consuming.
I bought a house. Scratch that, I bought a SECOND HOUSE. Edit that, “we” bought a house.
So you might be thinking, “Wait, what?? I thought you were renting?!” I will have to admit; I lied about renting. To me, having people know you owned was a huge security risk because they make that information public, so I lied, and I’m sorry. I was a single girl who only ever had female roommates, and you all know I’m paranoid AF of someone killing me. I’ve had to get the police involved from Twitch viewer threats in the past. At this point, it probably makes more sense why I would be allowed to rip through my ceilings and floors when I decided I wanted them different, lol.
But times have changed, and it is time to upgrade from my pretty little condo. I won’t be able to hide the status of this structure this time. So we started looking and, much quicker than I thought, found a house that has a future. I don’t know if it’s so apparent from my stream content, but I am EXTREMELY particular on how I want my house to look. (Don’t use my stream room like the example room, that’s my “creative mess” room… and I oop) For me, a house that has a future is a house with no walls or floors so I can make it exactly how I want. And that is precisely the house we picked.
The house purchase brings us to the section titled “Why Foxz is so Fucking Tired.”
I’ll talk about this in a numbered bulleted list. Much like a multi-level marketing company, it has 3 main structures adding to the exhaustion overload.
- I became a part-time mom of three. This might be enough said, but if it’s not, it entails: feeding, driving, playing, disciplining, quality timing, homeworking, talking, emotional breakdowning, laundrying, cleaning, shopping… in a nutshell. I think for anyone, this is a lot, and I didn’t get the lead-up training as a birth parent would to figure things out. Previously, my life equaled caring for only me and all my fluffy pets. Much easier. But I was brought up right, and I would do no less for children in my care. I’m definitely not complaining, I’m just saying its a lot, and it’s hard.
- I started working full time (from home doing SEO as many of you all know), and I’m still streaming. This job was an opportunity that just came to me out of the blue, and I am so appreciative of it. But it is a lot to add to an already full plate. I have been relearning how to balance my time and work within hours that normal people are used to getting responses in… lol. I’m very thankful for those of you who have stuck around when I had to lower the number of hours I have been streaming to keep up with my life.
- I bought a house with no walls. For the past 6 months, I have literally been a construction worker. Forth of July, know what I did? We ripped up tile. New Year’s Eve and Day, cleaned, painted, caulked, did electrical work, moved boxes. I’m pretty sure we haven’t had a fully relaxing holiday since almost last year. Scratch that, Twitchcon was cool. The renovations were supposed to be over in August, but problem after problem has happened. Each one we have had to figure out, and it has taken time, money, and work. So much work and so much stress. More than you can imagine unless you have had this experience, too. One tile worker stole around $4,000, didn’t finish the job, disappeared and changed his number. The main house pipes flooded, leaks in walls and windows. Cabinets not coming in for months. Water valves being drywalled into the wall when they shouldn’t have been. We’ve been living out of boxes and have been covered in construction dust for months. At the same time as this, we have been renovating the condo so I can sell it. I could go on. And, as of the writing of this, the work is still not even done.
So as you can see. I’m effing tired. But, in time, it will be over, and I will love my new home. My stream room is already shaping up to be my new oasis of gaming fun. If you work hard, you can have what you want, and this is what we are doing.
But back to the whole reason I’m telling you any of this. I want to be able to share my life with you. Many of you, truly, are people I consider friends, and holding these secrets and hiding my life away isn’t what I want. I have felt awkward and strange for months trying not to say the wrong thing and let the cats out of the bag. I want to be able to post stories in the house and not worry if there are other voices in the back. It has been very tiring for me to keep up this facade, and no matter what the outcome is, I feel good that I can finally be honest. Maybe if I had started my channel as a persona, it would be different, but that’s not the place I have grown into and love. Letting my community in and getting to talk about real shit is what has made me love streaming, and I don’t want that to end.
Seriously, Thank You
Thank you for taking the time to read all this. I love you guys! This may be the culling of those who were hoping for something else. I guess we will all find out together the effects of this social experiment. And thank you to all the other streamers I’ve talked to (for hours!) who have told me their personal stories about similar situations like this. I don’t know exactly what all this means for my content. Will it change a lot? A little? I want to feel it out and see what works.
See you on Twitch!